sometimes life is really really screwed up. know that? anyway, my voice still hasn't really come back and i think it should soon. it better. no way am i screwing up my piano singing tests because of a freaking low voice.

get this. it's a saturday. and i'm up at 8.30am. haven't let my fingers have the privilage of touching the keyboard keys for quite some time. to recap this week...

screwed decline and fall for lit. basically wanted to drop lit. found out that i passed lit with an okay score. figured out that i can't explain/analyse anything for nuts. basically wanted to drop lit again.

no piano next week. so that gives me a free thursday in a really really long time. need to polish up on my scales. staccato really means staccato. so please lift the bloody fingers up. don't let them lie flat.

there was an insane person who created the subject of econs. i feel like dropping every one of my subjects. my mum, being a teacher herself, didn't want to go to any parent - teacher meeting. because all she would ask is :"why did my daughter do badly in ________?" to which no teacher would be able to provide the answer because that frankly is a question i can answer and not the teacher.

campfire today! i'm quite excited by it. think that the guides seem quite prepared and i'm happy about that. so far from what i know, it'll be a success. will be staying overnight at the MPR with the girls. but first, i have a national camp meeting at HQ to go for. have to wear the YA uniform again. the stupid court shoes will be the death of me and my poor feet. i pity my feet.

my shoebag looks so pretty standing at the side. i managed to stuff my shoes and my entire uniform inside. serious! haha... and believe it or not, there's still somemore space to stuff other things. not sure if i want to wake up and stuff the contacts into my eye or just be lazy and put on spectacles.

okay, i need to repack some stuff. even bringing some math homework in the case of free time at night. stupid econs DRQ test. i don't even understand market failure. instead of market failure, it'll be christine's failure.

will update lots about the campfire on sunday! unless i'm too tired and just forget.

"Cause I am the man who will fight for your honor
I'll be the hero that your dreamin of
Gonna live forever
knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love"

-The glory of love

what am i doing at home at this time? trying to stop my germs from spreading.

obviously, i knew my voice coming back was too good to be true.

now it's gone again.

i'm so going to die for math and econs now.

but it's not like i could help it.

the first thing that came out of my mouth today was a really really bad word.
 
now i have to go to find a new doctor because the most convenient one has gone AWOL and i have to go and call my piano teacher and tell her i cant go for piano on thursday.

this loss of voice thing is really some stupid shit.

and yesterday? was a really really fun day. i made Gladys angry and i think my sister as well. heard a lot of teachers saying how midterms could be better.  and to top everything off, i was hacking away from invisible hairballs. whoopie. like i said, how much more fun can a day get?

anyway, don't ever say that things can only get better and not worse.
because there'll always be a way for something to crop up and make things more horrible than your imagination can come up with.

trust me, i know.

 

i haven't been blogging for some time already. it's almost been a week since i went here and that's quite surprising i think. some days i can just go and blog and blog and never stop.

but this week... stuff's happened. good stuff. bad stuff. same old. same old.

my results aint as good as i would have wanted them to be. i'm quite disappointed in myself because i studied hard. (3 weeks of holidays spent on that kind of nonsense is really no joke) it isn't even funny when i receive the paper and think that it's okay. because sometimes it isn't. i know i shouldn't be THAT disappointed, but when i think of the time i spent... grr.

sore throat has morphed into throat infection. so now i'm currently voiceless. it's hoarse and pains me everytime i open my mouth to say something. so i shall just whisper.  better to whisper and be heard slightly then to say something and be totally misunderstood. i've given up hoping that it'll be okay in a few days. am crushed that i can't go with Sonya to the CO concert to support Nette and Yue Yiao.

thing is, next week is yet another busy week. campfire week. i hope it goes smoothly. piano lesson on thursday even though it's the fifth week and technically means i don't have to go. break week but cos of piano exam... hate all those singing tests.

i don't want to be jack of all trades, but master of none.

my piano skills are medicore at best. don't say that because i'm doing grade 7 that doesn't hold.
my drumming is taking a backseat because of my piano exam.
my grades are not what i want them to be and not the best that i can achieve.
i constantly feel that i'm letting people down.

i'm not sure what exactly i am good at.

good at disappointing people? i hope not.

oh well. my throat hurts bad.  i need to go my strepsils.

my weekend is over. spent saturday with the guides. enrolment day. had fun. hinted around for presents for my birthday. almost killed Gladys because she told me that Jing was hers. what rot. and Jing is like super funny. after I sms-ed a very angry message for an explanation, the reply was like this:" I'm sorry, I know apologies cannot make up for what I did. But I'm in too deep." ...
 
felt that this year's enrolment was quite fun. cos the parents came so Gwee talked less. haha. then after that, couldn't go out with Mynah because had to discuss camp stuff with Gwee. Anyway, looks like this year's camp's gonna be in school.  so that's that. saturday's over.
 
sunday. went to VJ for the national scrabble competition. to help, not to compete. I'm not that pro or what. these people are really serious about the whole thing. so bye bye Sunday. came home with my back aching (still!) and did my history and a bit of math. (oh behold the hardworking idiot!) crapped for history cos it was simply too difficult. so sucks to history.
 
thought of not going home and camping out at VJ cos in less than 12 hours at that point of time i left VJ, i would be back there for monday's lessons. i'm already counting down to friday. next week's gonna be a busy week for me.
 
"I hate you...
for making me love you
for making my days seem brighter when you smile at me
for making me see the best in myself
for making me see the worst in myself
for making me understand that you care
for making me your friend
 
because i'll be at a loss at what to do if you happen to leave me one day"
 
so my friends, please don't leave me. Love you! and no, i don't really hate you. XP. just something i wrote on the spur of the moment.
 
 

it rained today. not small little droplets that make you want to walk in the rain and sing but torrents. lesson learnt: when sharing an umbrella with someone, it is inevitable that you will get wet. my whole back and skirt was soaking wet. and my shoes were soaked. went to class to try to dry off but there wasn't much i could do anyway. there were only a few people who were soaking wet. so i shall say this: appreciate the rides you people get to school! no need to fight for seats... no need to brave the elements.

felt like i had a bad temper cloud hanging over my head. my head was like freaking hurting and i was so afraid i would fall sick. i fall sick easily. or else it might be something that might very well drag on and on. Keith looked unhappy today as well, he was drenched too and during math he just looked so shagged. i think i was feeling it too. whatever. it's over and i'm home... DRY. had maths in LT3 and it was freezing. couldnt feel my toes! walked barefoot cos of wet squishy shoes. was bumming outside the LT before math and talked to Daniel. he was like:"oh, you'll dry, but don't switch on the aircon cos you'll fall sick." then i went:"but i have lectures in LTs which are air conditioned!" and he just laughed:"Too bad, guess you'll be sick then."

like DOTZ. even Max asked me during break if my skirt was dry yet and he was laughing when he said that. xin4 zai1 le4 huo4! guess i was giving all those who were dry today the evil eye. but i guess there were other people besides me that was soaked. is just that one does tend to get rather cranky when they have to go through the whole day wearing icky shoes.

the only reason i'm going on and on about this rain is because i've never gotten this wet going to school before. know why? because i used to get sent to school by CAR! hmph. i shall begin a fresh bout of whining tomorrow. i haven't whined in more than a month! i think my sis and my parents had a long enough break, don't you think?

can't wait for enrolment. i think it'll be quite cool. and well, i'm kinda missing the Sec 4s already. hope June can make it, since she can't come for campfire. Sufie already said she can't make it. wonder if Esther can? i think i wanna get the seniors of MYNAH back.

heck. haven't done econs yet. and i wanna talk to YY and Sonya. And Nette!... missing you guys!

this looks like a pretty long post to me. guess cos i haven't really had time to come online and blog. this week... stuff has happened. stuff has made me happy and made me sad. yeah. stuff. whatever.

"This is the miracle that happens every time- to those who really love. The more they give, the more they possess."
Just to let you know i love everyone.

ran 2.4 today. failed because of my back. it started hurting like mad during the second round. and stupid me, didn't want to stop. 20 mins. i could kill myself for that. back was so super pain that i couldn't even stand up properly after the run. even now, it still hurts. went to the doctor because the PE teachers advised me to do so. apparently it hurts because i've been running almost everyday and that added up to the back ache. anyway, i sprained the muscles in the back. really painful. piece of shit la. no PE for a month but i think i'll still be swimming for this week and go back to running next week. see how pain it'll continue to be la. i know that when it hurts, i'm not going to push myself the next time.

i love velvet revolver. no matter how er, bad their lyrics may be. i'm not against them. yes, if you actually look at the lyrics for sucker train blues, it may seem rather anti christ.

"Brain and body melting while there's roaches multiplying
It's the alien infection it's the coming of Christ
All these sentimental halos and these consequential angels
When I'm runnin with the devil don't deliver the fight"

i chose to interpret the lyrics as human. i think it kinda rings true because we're all sinners and we've all run with the devil. (sounds kinda harsh duncha think?) though i'm not very keen on the comparison of an alien infection and the coming of Christ placed together in the same sentence, guess some people see Christ as something not glorious because they don't believe. but other than that song, it's kinda okay.

though i think alot of people don't approve of it because of the vulgur language and all the underlying sexual meaning. actually, what underlying sexual meaning? it's plain out there for you to hear. but i love it anyway.

no one should accuse me of being a hypocrite and a totally fake christian because i like bands like velvet revolver and guns n roses. because if you listen to them, they totally rock. and as long as you don't follow the lyrics to the point of obsession or use them for some kinda shit, they're okay.

but i doubt my mother will let me buy the album. i think she'll faint from all the f words. that's how many there are. i think almost every song in contraband has that word. hopefully she wouldn't pay attention. :P

worries plague me. yeah yeah, not being overly dramatic and all that. yes, i acknowledge that everyone has their own set of worries but since this is my blog, i'm not going to write about other people's worries but mine.

napfa.
guides camp.
schoolwork.
piano exam.
and there are others of course, but yeah.

i don't want to let anybody down, but i feel that i'm doing so. trying to maintain relationships with past friends are sometimes hard for me to do if i'm hard pressed for time. but i don't want to let them lapse. then i'm starting to worry for my results since they're definitely not good enough.

and i hate how some people are just so... lacking of the word humility in their vocabulary. while i do appreciate a small amount of cockiness or even arrogrance, (granted if you have it, flaunt it and all that) but when it gets way overboard... i can't understand why some people are so modest and nonchalent that you can't help feeling that they really have something to be proud of. they don't tell you about it until you ask. they appreciate the care and concern you show. but then, there are some... i'll just leave it at that.

i'm not trying to pinpoint anyone or to even judge how or what they say. it's just an opinion. though i have to agree that if you do have the skill or whatever, then it's okay to talk about it. everyone wants some form of achievement and recognition in life. just... not too much?

looks shouldn't form the basis of a relationship. so never tell someone they're beautiful based on their physical appearance, but tell them they're beautiful because of the way they make you feel.

tis all for now.

"You oh lord make the sun shine
And the moon light in the night sky
You give me breath and all your love
I give my heart to you because
I can't stop falling in love with you
I'll never stop falling in love with you"
-Better than life

i've got to go to bed soon so i'll make this quick. really quick. because the one and only thing i want to say it that i hate life. and that it really sucks. yeah, got a wonderful O on my math. disappointing surely.

and the thing that worries me is that i studied quite long and hard for it. imagine if i hadn't. imagine how much more effort i have to put in to pull it up even further. won't that be more than 3 weeks? yup, that's what scares me.

other than that, i pretty much feel that life is just fine and dandy. other than the fact that what i need has yet to be given to me and i'll surely be made to have my piano exam in august instead of the requested september. whee.

life is really blissful.

feel like i could just sink in the soft pretty pink clouds and choke to death.

i'll get over this like i always do. with sleep. whatever. just felt that i needed to get it off my chest. i know it's disappointing and using cliched words, "with perserverence comes rewards". oh well, it may be true, but i'm afraid that it'll come too late for me. like when the As are bloody over.

nevermind. guess i'll just keep on smiling. :D

that really is an ugly smile. i've always hated that smile. :P

tongue sticker outer. cuter.

see, told you i'd be fine. fret not, my dear friends. haha.

felt that i really really need to blog because there just doesn't seem like there's much to do. and there's no way i'm giving up my possession of the computer. once i do, it'll definitely be a struggle to get it back again. so much as i'm displaying my selfish nature, it only serves as a blinking reminder to me that the computer is not mind. i only use it. bow to the real master. or something crazy like that.

realised how much i miss my friends. i'm not sure why but they have the ability to cheer you up. because they not only listen to what you have to say, they listen to what you don't say. and i'm grateful for that. they give advice that is good for you, no matter how much you think it sucks at first. in time to come, it'll pay off if you did listen. but if you didn't and what was to come came true, good friends offer sympathy but never a "i told you so" they may think so, but underneath it all, they care that you're hurting and would never say anything more to further hurt you.

i feel that i'm truly blessed to have those kind of friends. most people are amazed that i'm still friends with YY after so many years, well, it's almost been 13 years. it's not surprisingly that when i imagine the future, she's always there. i guess our friendship holds because we both enjoy the simple as well as the complex, the beautiful... basically almost everything. then there's the Europe trip that we plan to take in the far away future.

and the many many more friends that i'm glad for. because each and every one made a difference in my life. and i go to sleep at night grateful that i can depend on you just like you can count on me.

with all sincerity and lack of hyperness, i say "thank you" and "i love you" i don't want to be the kind of person that says those things only when it's a life and death situation, i don't want to regret that i never said that. so i say it now. "i care" yet sometimes, i hope that you know i care even without me saying so. because that makes it mean more.

"I believe in angels, the kind that heaven sends. I'm surrounded by angels, but I call them my best friends."

charisteas scored for the greeks today. woke up bleary eyed and hated the light. the first half wasn't mind numbing exciting. i favoured portugal but it was just a little. it didn't matter that much to me who won since the teams i had been supporting since the beginning of euro 2004 were ousted. seeing Ronaldo cry was sad though. but still. the second place winner is the first loser is not as true or as logical as it sounds. yes, while victory was so close in sight, it didn't matter because they were already winners. kinda cliched but true nonetheless.

feel like going for some cultural event. ah, sometimes i think that i offer the best of both worlds. nah, not being arrogrant or cocky or whatever. but i enjoy a ear blasting concert, screaming to the beat of the drums and the fantastic guitar playing as well as sitting at the esplanade watching a piano concerto. i love listening to rock, even heavy metal but i do like classical as well. jazz sounds and piano really do the trick. right now i'm listening to oldies which are really really sweet.

interllectual conversations or conversations that are gossipy or just plain nuts... i pretty much feel that they're a part of me. basically, the point i'm trying to bring across is that i enjoy almost everything.

i can make do with a hamburger. but why settle for less when you can wine and dine like a king? guess it just depends on my mood. i just find that some people are really rigid in their thinking. (i'm more flexible than i let people believe, trust me) but while i accept that not everyone likes classical music / cultural stuff like going to museums (which i like), I like them.

and yes, i'm still a sappy romantic.

"Twice or thrice had I loved thee before I knew thy face or name, so in a voice, so in a shapeless flame, angels affect us oft, and worshipped be."
-John Donne

okay, so i think there's something wrong with blogger or something. since i did post something but apparently it didn't get published online or something. haha, thank God monday is a holiday because i really need more time to myself.

and even i can't get that because i've got to collect my new specs and contacts tomorrow. gah. but the frames are silver. looks quite cool.

"I love the sun for days, the moon for nights and you forever."

i love the fact that exams are over. for the time being. and i'm pretty happy this weekend. it's a long one. and a totally slack one! i'm so totally in love with this end of week.

had fun last night with the pinot noir. was still talking to Sonya when i was drinking. still thinking straight. i think it was only around an hour plus later that the alcohol started to kick in. because i really couldn't hold out later than 11. after my tv show ended, i couldn't walk straight. and was giggling uncontrollably. which is a really scary thought. so i hauled myself to the bed, banging my head in the process.

and i woke up with a freaking hangover. had to wake up really early cos i was meeting some friends. egad. wonder what possessed me to do so?

have decided that since i have such a love for stars as well as clay aiken's voice, i shall either put a quote in each entry from either one of his songs or about stars.

whee. or any quote that i find beautiful.

"There are as many possibilities in life as there are stars in the sky!"

and guess what? holland's out. bleah. okay, never mind.

i'm going to post lotsa lotsa nonsense.

just because i feel like it so don't look at me as if i'm nuts or mental or something. i just want to. that's all.

i know lotsa new curse words. like poophead. not that i didn't know that before. heehee.

whee. went to taka today and walked around there before deciding to go home. bad idea. my head was spinning. and i, like a stupid freaking idiot, was talking to myself and counting how many marks i would get for maths. that's how loser i am.

i went back to the Hugo Boss shop. they have lotsa nice and pretty suits there. i could smell the scent of freshly printed money. (they just withdraw from atm and pay la!). and i could hear the flip of the wallets and mastercards sliding smoothly across the counter top. lunch time and there were guys buying stuff. then this guy asked me if the belt he was holding looked gay. -.-;; not bad looking... heehee. the guy. not the belt. but the belt also nice la. haiz, i think guys in suits look really really hot.

i think i'm suffering from post math depression.

eek! maths maths maths maths maths. i think i'm a little crazy.

can't wait for tomorrow. i'm gonna watch so much tv you'll never believe it. i'll get so tipsy that i'll talk nonsense. but even without wine, i already talk nonsense. heehee. see, the giggling's annoying. i told you so.

er. hmm. har. lalalalala. hahahahaa.

yick. piano tomorrow. i practiced it just now. and now the stupid vein looks so blue and popping.

guess what? after doing the math paper, i almost felt like putting a gun to my head. yup. it was super bad. like i didn't do a lot of questions and haha, the questions were all like 6 plus marks. plus, it was those hence kinda questions. i love math so much.

another subject to consider if i wanna drop.

yesterday's lit really made me see what a genius i am. it's amazing what kind of nonsense you can come up with when you do lit and have no idea what you're talking about. i've also been suffering from computer withdrawal. i can't seem to type as fast as i used to. gah.

i love school so much.

it really rocks.

too bad i feel like crap after a day.

imagine what'll happen when the promos get here.